Self-Compassion

Lately I've been feeling really stressed. I am getting my masters degree in social work, and I am currently one of the clinical interns at a rape center, which means I am doing therapy with people. The internship I had last year was a pretty bad experience. On the last day I was there I was told that I basically had no skills, that I was too awkward to be a social worker. She literally said the only thing I had going for me was my empathy. I was super crushed and I cried for a week straight. Afterwards I was able to look back and logically wonder where my supervisor was coming from when she said those things, since I had worked well with the individuals I was seeing in therapy, and I had also made goals halfway through the year that even she acknowledged I had been able to meet (which in itself is a skill, thank you very much). My supervisor's response to me on the last day made no sense, especially from her position because if those things were really a concern, it was her responsibility to point them out to me WAY before my last day. I was there to learn, which means constructive feedback, but I received none throughout the year even though I asked for it.

Isn't he the saddest little puppy? This is exactly how I felt.

Anyway, that story isn't my point. I will get to it, but I think this story helps explain my point of view.  That internship was traumatic for me! I really believed I sucked and I questioned my career path. Since she told me I had no skills I thought that I may as well drop out. Even though this wasn't necessarily logical, I had done my best to work at this agency and was supposed to look to my supervisor as someone who would lead and guide me, and someone I could trust. She had authority, I didn't. She knew the field I was going into, I didn't.
The internship I'm at now is absolutely wonderful. I got my top choice, and I couldn't be happier. But I have noticed that whenever I make a mistake I get so worried about it and I put myself down so much because of the memory of the last day at my last internship. I had an experience like this yesterday, and I was unable to sleep until late into the night because I was BAWLING my eyes out, thinking horrible things about myself. I was worried my new supervisor would say the same thing. I was worried that everyone would hate me and that I was stupid, and that no matter how hard I tried I would just end up ruining everything and doing everything wrong.
I went to my internship today, and in our clinical meeting someone mentioned self-compassion. I realized that was something I really needed to implement more in my life. I was judging myself so harshly, and I had valid reason to, which made it even easier to do. Someone I was supposed to look up to made me feel worthless! But my supervisor this year has mentioned to me that I am doing well, and that I'm doing a good job. I have also received feedback from clients that they appreciate me and they feel that I have really helped them.

http://www.georgiebdesign.com/home/category/blog/page/3/

I know you could really talk about a lot of different points here, like not caring about what others think (although that was hard in my position because of the authority and power disparity), I want to focus on self-compassion because I think it can really effect everything else. Being compassionate with myself means understanding that I will make mistakes, and that it's OK. I don't have to cry all night if I make a mistake, because I know that that's normal. Everyone makes mistakes. It also says it's OK if there are people who don't appreciate what I do, because I won't be able to make everyone happy. It helps me self-soothe and just be kinder to myself. It makes me stop telling myself such awful things, and instead I really feel compassionate towards me. This doesn't mean I will slack off, but it means I won't label myself as a failure or an idiot, as being a weird awkward girl who can't do anything right. Not beating myself up allows me to have confidence in myself, which means I'll actually do a better job than if I'm beating myself up.
Anyway, I watched this TedX talk and it really helped me feel a little better. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvtZBUSplr4#t=911
There is also this idea of radical self-acceptance that is similar, and is also really wonderful. Here are some links:

http://www.self-compassion.org/

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evil-deeds/200806/essential-secrets-psychotherapy-change-or-acceptance
http://www.superenlightme.com/radical-acceptance
http://courses.washington.edu/dbt560/Robins-Schmidt-Linehan.pdf


I hope this information is useful. Have a great day, and let's be a little kinder to ourselves. I have been trying to do this today and I have still grieved, but I have felt so much better.