The Four Agreements

Life sucks sometimes. Recently I've been reading the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I really love this book. I think I've learned quite a bit from it. I've probably read about half of it at this point, and it has mostly talked about the effects our culture has on us, and that it forms us into something that many times isn't beneficial to us. The book then instructs how to break out of those toxic habits that have been drilled into us. I LOVE this idea. I really believe that although society can show us what other people have learned to expect from us, those things that are expected can be very harmful to us emotionally and spiritually. Of course there are many positive things about living in a large group in society, such as pressure not to steal or kill. There is also pressure to live up to dumb cultural norms, and specifically in our culture, whatever patriarchy is promoting. For women this could mean thinking that your only worth is physical, for men this could be the denial of any emotion in your life other than anger, etc. etc.

Let's think about that, dudes! There is so much to think about. What do we really believe, and do we want to be the person we're told we are supposed to be? How can we free ourselves from the expectations that are harmful, not only in action but also in our minds?

Like I said, there are many great things about society, and lots of protection it affords us. But there are also many strange messages going around as well. I love the agreements Ruiz asks people to make, because they seem to encourage being honest and respectful towards ourselves and others.

hm

Hi guys

a few thoughts

and I've been on planes all night so they might not be coherent, but here's to trying

A. 

I was busking at the farmer's market on the accordion about a week ago, and this charming old man stops to talk to me about music, how it's changed since the Sinatra days, etc. etc. We start talking about social work and how he grew up in the depression (all while I was thinking about the money I was missing out on for talking to him, but I enjoy older adult; they have so much knowledge and experience) and we begin talking about the family, how they were happier back then and had nothing and even after the depression when the family was still in tact  how much better things were and there were less social problems. He said this had a lot to do with mothers not taking care of the family anymore. A thought occurred to me and I told it to him- perhaps part of the reason for the deterioration for the nuclear family, AKA divorce rates, is because of how poorly women were treated. Women wouldn't be leaving the household in such large numbers if they were given freedom and if being in the family was an equal partnership. I just feel like we don't know how to have equal partnerships. Now women are beginning to stand up for themselves, and in so so so many cases it's because the father wasn't doing anything to help in the family and indeed just bringing the woman down and creating one more child for her to care for. Who cares how much money your husband makes if he isn't supporting you emotionally and with the responsibilities and stress of the children? I'd rather be in a home by myself where at least I can make my own decisions and if I'm doing all the work, raise the kids properly. Women have been treated like breeding animals for so long. Maybe THATS part of the reason the family is breaking apart. Women are starting to stand up for themselves and men don't know what to do about it, how to stand up to the task of SHARING a family. SO the woman leaves. Because emotionally, and many times physically, it's healthier and much less of an abusive controlling environment. And if you don't think that's still a problem in this country, why don't you check out your local women's shelter to see if it's full and if there is a waiting list. Why does that exist? Probably because of everything I just said. Breeding animals is all women were. I mean it hasn't even been 100 years since got the VOTE. We were the last to get that right. 

B.

I had a really interesting week. I did some things I regret. Do you ever do things you regret, and then get sent down a spiral of memories of things you regret, and have all your flaws made super visible? That's how this week has been. I feel like a lot of the time I walk around feeling like I'm a pretty capable person, and perhaps I need to think that way or I would walk around with no self-confidence. But there is so much about me that I want to improve, specifically in the area of understanding people better and treating them ALL more like humans and less like things. Sometimes I put things ahead of humans. Like a couch, and not talking to a roommate anymore because of stains that keep reappearing on it from her cat. Should I have been mad at her? Sure. But avoiding her and breaking the friendship because of it is not treating her like a human. And she is one. I believe that because we are human, we all deserve love. We all need it. Why do I let petty things get in the way of that? Giving people love is perhaps the most important thing we can learn to do well. There's a reason there are so many of us on earth together. I mean sure you can attribute that to different things, but there is definitely a lesson in being around other humans. They help us realize our flaws and who we are. They help us learn. They help us develop humanity. Humanity is the kind of thing that goes before knowledge and brains, beauty and strength. Humanity is was makes people remarkable. And that is what is developed by interacting with other people. We grow hearts and become unselfish.

I'm shy and I like it!

some quotes to start us off:

Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people."

- Andre Dubus (via hrsvt)

"Women feel more guilt than men, not because of some weird chromosomal issue but because they have a history of being blamed for other people’s behavior. You get hit, you must have annoyed someone; you get raped, you must have excited someone; your kid is a junkie, you must have brought him up wrong."

- Guilt Poisons Women by Germaine Greer

Take a lover who looks at you like maybe you are magic."

- Frida Kahlo 

(Source: cherrywayne, via bobbysockss)

"May the bridges I burn light the way."

- Dylan Mckay, 90210

(Source: theonlymagicleftisart, via gentlethrills)

"Socializing is as exhausting as giving blood. People assume we loners are misanthropes just sitting thinking, ‘Oh, people are such a bunch of assholes,’ but it’s really not like that. We just have a smaller tolerance for what it takes to be with others. It means having to perform. I get so tired of communicating."

- Anneli Rufus

(Source: tall, via napoleonshaircut

I don't know what you think all of these quotes have in common, but for me they talk about being shy. Which I am. WHY is that so bad? What if I can't help it? Why is it we can accept all types of things about people but not the fact that they are shy or slightly awkward with new people? I think that's ridiculous. I think we all need to become better at using our intuitive senses to figure people out, and not rely so much on a performance. What does a performance really tell you? It's just something people have gotten good at in order to hide their true selves! Why the crap would I want to see a performance??? I wanna know how someone really is, who they are!! SO BE SHY if you want to. Yeah, that quote says that it's narcissistic, but I have another opinion aside from that one. It has to do with the quote about women and guilt. What if why people are also super idealists who don't want to command all the attention and want things to be equal for other and want whatever situation to be shared instead of directed by a small percentage??? I'm pretty sure that's how a lot of introverts feel. ISN'T THAT A GOOD THING?!?!?!?!? That's how I feel usually. I feel guilty if I command the attention of all, I want their input! I want them to feel like they are a part of things! I want to include them! Why do we only want one person to take over? Because that's how we've trained ourselves in our society? It's ridiculous and inconsiderate. I hate it. So next time you meet someone who's shy, think about why they are shy and try to figure out the real person inside. Chances are they are way smart and super witty, you just don't have the patience to move past the initial meeting to see that, and if you don't you'll miss a whole lot of goodness.

 So too bad for you.

14947

heels

Who The Crap invented heels?
Why did they think it would be cool for a woman to wear extensions on the bottom of their feet that are really uncomfortable? I know that men wore them back in the day, but let's think for a second about stilettos. What are they? Little sticks with a front part attached that fits your toes. That really hurt and make it close to impossible to walk. So, we put these things on our feet that are made for walking, which we can't even use to walk. And somehow the harder they are to walk in, the sexier they are. How is not being able to walk sexy? Why do we make women continue this painful process? We're crazy.

I wish fear of performing was something I could lose like I lose my car keys. Except I would never hunt for my fear like I do my car keys.

Do you ever lose things and then think to yourself how much you wish you hadn't lost said thing?
I logged in to an old work email (that functions somehow, I don't know why they haven't deleted my email yet) because I created many beautiful works of art on Paintshop for my work gmail profile pictures. I was hoping to be able to retrieve some because they were the product of boredom and tedious paperwork; from time to time I was forced to take a time out and escape from the awful hell hole that is redundancy. Somehow this process really helped get my creative juices flowing, it was like my right brain was saying "OMG let me the freak OUT!" Sadly, I was unable to retrieve any of these Paintshop masterpieces. I would have to go back to the original computer I drew them on to get them out. Which I might be willing to do.

This past week I was speaking to a friend about playing music in front of people, which is something I love doing as much as sticking my hand in a bees nest. I love music, I love playing it, but playing in front of people gives me the heebie jeebies. I get so scared! Don't know how to get over it. At this point I think it's just habitual and would be hard to train myself not to have fear, but I really don't know. I have no problem playing with a group, because the focus isn't all on me. I just don't like having the focus on me. It still makes me feel like I'm being judged, which I realize is stupid. But somewhere deep inside there is also another voice saying that it's selfish and wrong to demand attention from others, so I fall apart when I do have it. Maybe I should read up about this on google in order to find a solution.

I'm a woman!!!

Hos can I not update today!

Well. That last sentence was an unfortunate event. I meant to write "How can I not update today!" Instead of talking about hoes. Or asking their permission whether or not I can post on my own blog. That would be pretty bossy of them to not let me do that.

So the reason I MUST update today is because it's Bastille Day! In celebration I listened to Yelle, Kate Ryan, Melody's Echo Chamber, and of course France Gall. I also whipped out my accordion and played a few tunes by Yann Tiersen. How could I not? I almost started that sentence with "ho" again. Yeah, how could I not, hos!! 

That sounds bad and I apologize. Don't be offended. I'm a girl, I mean woman, so I am offending myself as well with that last sentence there.

I like style. This isn't just a girl thing, I have many male friends who love style, and one male friend who dedicates pretty much his whole blog to clothing and style. So don't start judging me unrighteously with this next statement, but I bought the cutest romper ever from this website called DHgate. It's like Ebay of China. I'm pretty darn happy with the romper. Here it is. Press the word "here" to see it. The first "here" that is. Cute, no? It's freaking adorable, I've been wanting a romper with sleeves ever since last year when I went to Brooklyn and saw someone wearing a cute freaking jumper with cap sleeves. And now I have one. 

dealing crap

So, it's almost the fourth of July!

A. Why/How is half the year over?
B. Why is it pretty much the hottest it's ever been this year?
C. Independence day. Not only should it be a time to be thankful for my country, but a time to be thankful for everything I have. I'm glad that I have good health, that I'm able to be in school, etc. etc. (did I just etcetera everything else I have? Yes, I'm an ungrateful slob. But I figured you didn't want to hear it. Oh, but hey! I'm SUPER grateful for Netflix).

Also, about my last post. Do I think that happens when we are poor and sad (what I described below. . . )? Yes I do. Do I think it's healthy? Absolutely not. So I'm not encouraging it or anything. I'm just saying life is hard, lets give each other a break. I also want to say life is hard, so let's try to be healthy. So not doing what I talked about would be ideal obviously. It really is kind of selfish, and it may not only hurt other people but also the person doing it. But again, life is hard. I hope that makes some sense. Lets just try and be kind to each other, eh? Even if you are hurting, try and be kind. Seems to be the best option. Everyone has their crap they deal with. Not crack, crap.

here's a poem by e. e. cummings to celebrate Independence Day.
You can go to the website to hear him recite it himself
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/237676

AS FREEDOM IS A BREAKFASTFOOD

as freedom is a breakfastfood

or truth can live with right and wrong

or molehills are from mountains made

—long enough and just so long

will being pay the rent of seem

and genius please the talentgang

and water most encourage flame

as hatracks into peachtrees grow

or hopes dance best on bald men’s hair

and every finger is a toe

and any courage is a fear

—long enough and just so long

will the impure think all things pure

and hornets wail by children stung

or as the seeing are the blind

and robins never welcome spring

nor flatfolk prove their world is round

nor dingsters die at break of dong

and common’s rare and millstones float

—long enough and just so long

tomorrow will not be too late

worms are the words but joy’s the voice

down shall go which and up come who

breasts will be breasts thighs will be thighs

deeds cannot dream what dreams can do

—time is a tree(this life one leaf)

but love is the sky and i am for you

just so long and long enough