I'm shy and I like it!

some quotes to start us off:

Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people."

- Andre Dubus (via hrsvt)

"Women feel more guilt than men, not because of some weird chromosomal issue but because they have a history of being blamed for other people’s behavior. You get hit, you must have annoyed someone; you get raped, you must have excited someone; your kid is a junkie, you must have brought him up wrong."

- Guilt Poisons Women by Germaine Greer

Take a lover who looks at you like maybe you are magic."

- Frida Kahlo 

(Source: cherrywayne, via bobbysockss)

"May the bridges I burn light the way."

- Dylan Mckay, 90210

(Source: theonlymagicleftisart, via gentlethrills)

"Socializing is as exhausting as giving blood. People assume we loners are misanthropes just sitting thinking, ‘Oh, people are such a bunch of assholes,’ but it’s really not like that. We just have a smaller tolerance for what it takes to be with others. It means having to perform. I get so tired of communicating."

- Anneli Rufus

(Source: tall, via napoleonshaircut

I don't know what you think all of these quotes have in common, but for me they talk about being shy. Which I am. WHY is that so bad? What if I can't help it? Why is it we can accept all types of things about people but not the fact that they are shy or slightly awkward with new people? I think that's ridiculous. I think we all need to become better at using our intuitive senses to figure people out, and not rely so much on a performance. What does a performance really tell you? It's just something people have gotten good at in order to hide their true selves! Why the crap would I want to see a performance??? I wanna know how someone really is, who they are!! SO BE SHY if you want to. Yeah, that quote says that it's narcissistic, but I have another opinion aside from that one. It has to do with the quote about women and guilt. What if why people are also super idealists who don't want to command all the attention and want things to be equal for other and want whatever situation to be shared instead of directed by a small percentage??? I'm pretty sure that's how a lot of introverts feel. ISN'T THAT A GOOD THING?!?!?!?!? That's how I feel usually. I feel guilty if I command the attention of all, I want their input! I want them to feel like they are a part of things! I want to include them! Why do we only want one person to take over? Because that's how we've trained ourselves in our society? It's ridiculous and inconsiderate. I hate it. So next time you meet someone who's shy, think about why they are shy and try to figure out the real person inside. Chances are they are way smart and super witty, you just don't have the patience to move past the initial meeting to see that, and if you don't you'll miss a whole lot of goodness.

 So too bad for you.

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I wish fear of performing was something I could lose like I lose my car keys. Except I would never hunt for my fear like I do my car keys.

Do you ever lose things and then think to yourself how much you wish you hadn't lost said thing?
I logged in to an old work email (that functions somehow, I don't know why they haven't deleted my email yet) because I created many beautiful works of art on Paintshop for my work gmail profile pictures. I was hoping to be able to retrieve some because they were the product of boredom and tedious paperwork; from time to time I was forced to take a time out and escape from the awful hell hole that is redundancy. Somehow this process really helped get my creative juices flowing, it was like my right brain was saying "OMG let me the freak OUT!" Sadly, I was unable to retrieve any of these Paintshop masterpieces. I would have to go back to the original computer I drew them on to get them out. Which I might be willing to do.

This past week I was speaking to a friend about playing music in front of people, which is something I love doing as much as sticking my hand in a bees nest. I love music, I love playing it, but playing in front of people gives me the heebie jeebies. I get so scared! Don't know how to get over it. At this point I think it's just habitual and would be hard to train myself not to have fear, but I really don't know. I have no problem playing with a group, because the focus isn't all on me. I just don't like having the focus on me. It still makes me feel like I'm being judged, which I realize is stupid. But somewhere deep inside there is also another voice saying that it's selfish and wrong to demand attention from others, so I fall apart when I do have it. Maybe I should read up about this on google in order to find a solution.