hm

Hi guys

a few thoughts

and I've been on planes all night so they might not be coherent, but here's to trying

A. 

I was busking at the farmer's market on the accordion about a week ago, and this charming old man stops to talk to me about music, how it's changed since the Sinatra days, etc. etc. We start talking about social work and how he grew up in the depression (all while I was thinking about the money I was missing out on for talking to him, but I enjoy older adult; they have so much knowledge and experience) and we begin talking about the family, how they were happier back then and had nothing and even after the depression when the family was still in tact  how much better things were and there were less social problems. He said this had a lot to do with mothers not taking care of the family anymore. A thought occurred to me and I told it to him- perhaps part of the reason for the deterioration for the nuclear family, AKA divorce rates, is because of how poorly women were treated. Women wouldn't be leaving the household in such large numbers if they were given freedom and if being in the family was an equal partnership. I just feel like we don't know how to have equal partnerships. Now women are beginning to stand up for themselves, and in so so so many cases it's because the father wasn't doing anything to help in the family and indeed just bringing the woman down and creating one more child for her to care for. Who cares how much money your husband makes if he isn't supporting you emotionally and with the responsibilities and stress of the children? I'd rather be in a home by myself where at least I can make my own decisions and if I'm doing all the work, raise the kids properly. Women have been treated like breeding animals for so long. Maybe THATS part of the reason the family is breaking apart. Women are starting to stand up for themselves and men don't know what to do about it, how to stand up to the task of SHARING a family. SO the woman leaves. Because emotionally, and many times physically, it's healthier and much less of an abusive controlling environment. And if you don't think that's still a problem in this country, why don't you check out your local women's shelter to see if it's full and if there is a waiting list. Why does that exist? Probably because of everything I just said. Breeding animals is all women were. I mean it hasn't even been 100 years since got the VOTE. We were the last to get that right. 

B.

I had a really interesting week. I did some things I regret. Do you ever do things you regret, and then get sent down a spiral of memories of things you regret, and have all your flaws made super visible? That's how this week has been. I feel like a lot of the time I walk around feeling like I'm a pretty capable person, and perhaps I need to think that way or I would walk around with no self-confidence. But there is so much about me that I want to improve, specifically in the area of understanding people better and treating them ALL more like humans and less like things. Sometimes I put things ahead of humans. Like a couch, and not talking to a roommate anymore because of stains that keep reappearing on it from her cat. Should I have been mad at her? Sure. But avoiding her and breaking the friendship because of it is not treating her like a human. And she is one. I believe that because we are human, we all deserve love. We all need it. Why do I let petty things get in the way of that? Giving people love is perhaps the most important thing we can learn to do well. There's a reason there are so many of us on earth together. I mean sure you can attribute that to different things, but there is definitely a lesson in being around other humans. They help us realize our flaws and who we are. They help us learn. They help us develop humanity. Humanity is the kind of thing that goes before knowledge and brains, beauty and strength. Humanity is was makes people remarkable. And that is what is developed by interacting with other people. We grow hearts and become unselfish.