So life goes on, and you find a new show on Netflix to watch. In my case that show would be Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I know, I'm late. I've never seen any of the episodes before. Not a one. And I'm not into vampires (I hate Twilight), but dang is Buffy good. It's funny, scary, occult, romantic, and etc etc, everything you could expect from a good tv series! And there are SEVEN WHOLE SEASONS! It's blissfully long. But there's a lot of death in it. Annnnnd because I'm an INFP I overanalyze stuff and think about death and darkness and poo. And death is sad, especially when administered by a three headed monster, the king of vampires, or your ex-girlfriend. Why do we say girlfriend and boyfriend? They are stupid terms, and very confusing! Some girls call people who are strictly friends their girlfriends, and other girls call girls they are romantically involved with girlfriends. Boys don't do that as much which makes things less confusing. This world is confusing, people. So much of what we do has nothing to do with right or wrong or most efficient or what have you, it has to do with tradition and an influential person's opinion. I'm so not into that.
So death is sad. Have you ever noticed that western culture (particularly American) blocks any and all feelings (probably due to our puritan founders). Feelings are bad! Everyone should just pretend they're stones! Yeah, great idea! Because hiding feelings that build up a bunch and becoming numb are definitely qualities of a great life. One lived to the fullest! Point is, people feel. We raise children to hide those feelings (espECIALLY boys, and wonder why their life expectancy is 8 years less than a woman's, who is socialized to be more emotionally literate). There are a lot of parenthetical statements in this paragraph. Anyway, all of this makes me really mad. Yes that is a good word even if it's only three letters long. Let's just go back to the basics people! Let's be mad, let's be sad, let's be happy, let's get emotional! And yes we can be emotional and intimate without being sexual! There are appropriate ways to express all of these (talking things out calmly, not being arrogant and pretending you're always right, etc.). Why aren't we open to that? Is it because we all think we can somehow reach perfection, reach flawlessness? Ain't gonna happen. We will be flawed, like that last sentence, all our lives. I'm not saying don't try to be good (I actually think we should all be nice and good and kind), but I'm tired of this expectation to wear a mask. Or are we all expected to be super independent and not ever need someone? What the crap? Humans are made to be social, to need each other, to give and receive love. To receive support, and to give it. Because we aren't perfect. So I don't understand why I can't get past all this socialization to be perfect and independent. I just want to be vulnerable. It's far more rewarding, and even when it goes wrong I'm not left feeling empty inside. I'm left feeling like I can honestly approach my own face in the mirror and love it, be honest with it (except right now I'm kind of feeling bad about facing the mirror because all I've done is watch Buffy all day. Wait! I did study for a couple hours. Yes!). Why does the world not want me to be able to do that?
And why are there people who don't think I should be asking questions?
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